


Letters From an Angel (February)

by cardinalwrites



Series: Letters from an Angel [2]
Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, F/M, M/M, POV Castiel, Tumblr Blog, castielsentries, sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 14:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 14,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6758464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cardinalwrites/pseuds/cardinalwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel decided to keep a journal of all that he has thought about humanity, the Winchesters, and their daily lives. Takes you through current season 11 and will at times have destiel worthy canon occurrences from Castiel's point of view as well as episode codas depending on their original air dates. This is February, but the series will go through December.</p><p>All posts taken from @castielsentries, which is very active and ongoing so feel free to check it out</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. February 1, 2016

Hello,

With the start of the new year comes a new discovery: funny video clips featuring actors from television series. I believe that another term for these particular videos is “gag reel.” 

With almost every show that I have begun to watch thus far I have found the corresponding season gag reel, a collection of shots and scenes taken from the set to the portable screen that showcases the more comedic side to filming a television drama. To see these actors and actresses, previously noted before as never having broken character, crack into fits of mass hysteria while in the came context of a scene I had already witness was quite bizarre to say the least at the beginning. It can be during the more crucial scene, such as when a major character is on his deathbed or when another character is speaking just before a fatal crash. In these gag reels, we see the shots that did not quite make the final cut, the ones that resulted in hilarity as opposed to heartbreak. In a way, they allowed me to see those exact same scenes in an entirely different light now, making them seem much less depressing than they had originally intended to be. Just, to see these actors and actresses as well as the crew of the show all form a bond together and still care for one another after a considerable amount of time still is very touching and welcoming to see. It is not common to see such strong bonds form between seemingly unrelated humans. 

I believe I did not quite understand it at first, when television was a relatively new experience to me a few years ago. There were people pretending to be someone they were not, and they would be reimbursed for their work on a flat screen. My original thoughts had been more closely in line with the underlying question of; Why? Why would these people put themselves through imaginative torture, replace their characters with someone else’s, and continue to maintain that level of dedication throughout a number of years or until their character was written off? In seeing these gag reels now, however, i have come to realize that these actors and actresses are far more happy with their lives because they are able to do something that they enjoy for a living that they can use. The cast and crew continue to band together under this common purpose of making a good television show, and therefore to release these small moments where not everything went quite right to plan only adds to the true reason as to why they do what they do. While it can be to play pretend or to be someone else, ultimately the goal is to create a product for the enjoyment of others including the individual that made the project to begin with. It is pure entertainment, in every sense of the word. 

Though I must admit there are certain genres of television and movies alike that still continue to confuse me to this day, regardless of what alternate versions have been released. This is, of course, referring to the pizza man…

Yours,

Castiel


	2. February 2, 2016

Hello,

Productivity should be second nature to humans, no? With every passing second there should be a task that has been completed, no matter how seemingly minute it may be. There may be such a thing as using every waking moment to work or to be progressive in an area, but with that there is also the increasing sense and need to sit back and meditate instead. With this balance comes an odd harmony that is different with every passing human I see. Some are always productive, never truly finding time to stop and sit back to watch the view they are disregarding. Others are polar opposites, electing to watch the sun rise and set without having moved or made any changes to their lives whatsoever. These areas are both considered extremes for their respective sides, but it is necessary to find this harmony in order to be fully realized and well rounded individuals.

That being said, these stages can vary greatly with a person at times experiencing one side for a prolonged amount of time before suddenly switching to the other, perhaps in haste or in a rush. I believe the term that most likely applies to this particular scenario would be “procrastination,” no? It is the urgent feeling to accomplish a task in a shortened amount of time after having put it off for so long. This has happened to me once or twice on occasion, especially when it came to understanding bowel movement when I was human, but that is a topic I would rather not discuss in detail…

There is procrastination, and then there is the other pole: massive productivity that can lead to an overload of the human body mind and system. I have seen this in the case of Sam, especially during turbulent times, when he would rather research or run than rest and let the mind relax. The positive side to this, of course, is that there is an abundance of progression done on perhaps a project or an event that had been in need to attention, but the human in question that does all the hard work is the one that seems to suffer the most. It is an odd correlation that I have noticed, but that does not mean it is always true. Take Dean, for example. I would not label him under the “procrastinator” section, but at the same time when there is research or other work to be done he would rather put it off or let Sam or me do it instead. This is a third area: laziness. I suppose I do not blame him that much any more, but it did very much perplex me during the beginning when Sam would sit down on the computer and Dean would get up and leave for a bar. Then again, this was Sam and Dean, and that was how they functioned best.

They seemed to have found their balance between the two sides, albeit oddly enough given with how we operate as hunters, but that does not mean there are not times when anyone wishes to cease work for the day and delve into personal matters. These days are few and far between for us, but they do occur, particularly on holidays. These are the vacations, but they never seem to last. Humans are complex, are they not?

 

Yours,

Castiel


	3. February 3, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ties with 11x12. Watch before reading :)

Hello,

Claire came into my thoughts again today. It has been quite some time since I last saw her. I can only hope she is coping well with Jody and Alex now. She has a troubled past, but she is a kindred spirit with a lot of tenacity and emotion in her. In many ways, she reminds me of Dean when we first met, quick to assume and willing to dive head first into the fray. It is most likely that time will do wonders for Claire like it did for Dean. 

There are times when I would very much hope to give Claire back her old life with her mother and father, give her the opportunity to grow up without the ever presence of danger or mistrust. Unfortunately, I will never be able to change that in any way. She is at the stage in her life where she should be starting college now and I can only hope she has found a way to start again with Jody and Alex that she could not do before.

I just had a thought of Claire sitting down to eat with the rest of us, Jody, Sam, Dean, and me. The concept of a family dinner will never apply to us, will it? I cannot even begin to imagine the conversations…

Being where I am, it is difficult these times to call those we are about, especially when we are not in control of our bodies and actions. I do wonder how Sam and Dean are as well, and if they have heard from Claire lately. As for me, I believe I am somewhere in the area of one of the Dakotas, though the motive for being there is slightly unclear to me due to my subconscious being repressed. I do remember registering the smell of asbestos in the air, however.  On a lighter note, why are there two Dakotas? North and South Dakota, was there a war much like the civil war that resulted in the separation. Was it a mutual agreement to take the same name, like in marriage perhaps? Claire and Jody live in South Dakota. Maybe the reason why I am here is because I am so near to where they are right now.

I do hope I see Claire again, and I do hope we are on better terms than before. I also hope she kept her birthday present from me. The Hot Topical is a very strange place to make returns otherwise.

 

Yours,

Castiel

 

 


	4. February 4, 2016

Hello,

I attempted cooking once again today. Why I decided to, however, will forever be a mystery. It must have something to do with the television show I watched this morning concerning reimagined Italian restaurants. I remember Dean making something similar by following a recipe online, therefore I spent about an hour on the Internet trying to understand the different between linguini and fettuccini. Why are there so many different types of pasta? Is it not the same substance in the end? I have established that I am not a food connoisseur, which is understandable given that I never ate food until I became human for a time.

The idea seemed simple: a fettuccini Alfredo. I read that it required boiled water and pasta noodles.

I did not expect water to begin steaming, resulting in the pasta burning and the sauce browning.

Dean had not had this issue. Why am I? Isn't the water supposed to be maintained at a specific temperature? I understand the concept of evaporation, but the pasta needed to be cooked first, no? And the sauce does not outright mix with the still fixed pasta while it is in the process of cooking.

I also vaguely registered the sound of the fire alarm of the area that I was in.... I think I will leave the food up to Dean from now on.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	5. February 5, 2016

Hello,

I have always had a secret fascination with airplanes. I do not mention it because it does not come up in conversation, and when I tried to ask Dean about how his experience with an airplane he immediately clammed up and refused to speak on the subject. It was only until I asked Sam that I found out about Dean’s fear of flying.

I had to take a plane once last year, since my wings were in no condition to carry me anywhere and there had been a promising lead on Amara in Gaza. That had been an interesting experience, especially the process of purchasing a ticket and boarding the flight. I was seated between a rather overly muscled man with glasses and a little girl no more than 8 years old. They were not related, as I soon found out on the flight.

I had this idea that airplanes were contraptions humans had built so as to be able to fly like birds, free in the wind. I did not account for the popping of my ears every five minutes as the flight climbed, or the turbulence that would hit suddenly and unexpectedly, prompting me to reach for my angel blade out of habit, but I had to leave it behind since airport security does not like any form of weaponry.

I realized I skipped over the part of security. My, how these people are hardworking, and very thorough with passenger checks. 

I had carried a polite conversation with the burly man next to me after a while of silence on the plane. My phone had been off, therefore I was unable to contact anyone in the hours that I spent on the plane. The man was named Thomas and was going to Gaza on a work vacation, though he would not specify what the vacation entailed and proceeded to tell me to “take a hint and quit staring.” That was when my focus shifted to the little girl as her hand pounded on mine as she fought for control of the armrest.

The little girl was named Everly and was going to visit her grandmother who had fallen ill. Coincidentally she was going to the same area as the lead I was searching, and her mother was in the seat directly behind me. They were locals that were returning and we kind enough to show me the site in which I was to find the information I was seeking. They believed me an archeologist, something I was not expecting but years of seeing the Winchesters act had allowed for me to understand quickly and play into the persona. I told them my name was Jimmy, as it was what was on my passport.

The flight attendants were very nice and comforting throughout the bumpy flight, completely at home in the turbulent sky. I suspect hey could have been good Angels, but airplanes are quite the safe-yet-oddly-shaped man made contraptions. While I can see how they are a very effective use of transportation for humans, I can understand why Dean went pale when I asked him if we wanted to fly.

Yours,

Castiel


	6. February 6, 2016

Hello,

It seems computers can get viruses and other malware inflicted upon them, something I did not know was possible since Sam had yet to acquire such a virus. I do suspect the result of Sam’s computer invincibility, however, was due to Charlie’s masterful skills.

These are dangerous digital monsters, it seems, that may potentially acquire delicate information, but considering I am not the average human with specific credentials, I do not think it would bother me deeply. The issue of the malware and its intentions is not the point of what I found slightly annoying; it was the issue that the computer was no longer usable for at least the rest of the day, thus limiting my ability to do research or speak with others on the Internet. I do not remember much in between when this occurred and it was fixed, but I did see that I ended up in a completely different area than I last remembered. I suspect Lucifer is moving around quickly from place to place looking for something manually as opposed to digitally now.

My mind could not help but think of what would happen should Sam be hit with malware on his computer. He would most likely be extremely upset concerning the issue but would quickly fix it. They are masters in the art of illusion and credit card scams, therefore I doubt hackers of any kind would be able to do much damage. If there were witches involved, on the other hand, it would be a much more pressing matter.

I am not one that is very fluent in the art of technology to begin with, and one memory comes to mind that applies to this. When Sam first showed me how to do research not the computer and for purposes of watching Netflix in the bunker I made many errors in finding certain browsers, articles, and leads. There was a time where I sent them on a case in Hollywood, only I did not look into the right state and sent them instead to the California location instead of the actual Florida location where the case had been. Computer and computer information had still been relatively new to me, but neither brother seemed displeased in my mistake. 

The computer is working well now and is no longer afflicted in any way, therefore all is well, but unfortunately the next thing that I remember seeing was an empty field with no computer in sight. I suspect it had been dumped due to the potential of being tracked.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	7. February 7, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was the day of the Supernal between the Panthers and the Broncos, hence the colors.

Hello,

There must be something different to the atmosphere today in the United States. I keep seeing Blue, Orange, Black, and Green adorning all humans as they walk about their daily lives. Is there an event that I am not aware of, or is it perhaps that these are the colors of normalcy for now? They are very vibrant colors, very captivating. I must say that if this is indeed going to be a common occurrence then I will not be opposed to seeing these colors at all.

There also seems to be a very festive mood concerning American football. Whether these two subjects are related or not is undetermined, but I have found quite a fair amount of speculation being discussed by various news anchors and other affiliates. The sport has always been a topic of wonder for me, even more so during very heated games. Dean once mentioned an event known as the Super Bowl, and I remember him asking me if I could please tell him who would win the ever important game. I failed to see his enthusiasm, but I believe this is mostly because the sport itself is an enigma to me. 

I have heard of the basic rules, though technicalities seem to be where the game thrives. These men are covered in armor almost like a small army going to war during matches, and yet the goal of the game seems to be to alternate between taking the ball from one end of the field to another with great risk of bodily injury in the form of pile ups and tackles. Is it the adrenaline rush that drives these players to such brutality, or perhaps are they reincarnated soldiers of a long lost generation, reenacting past battles in honor of how far they have travelled. I have seen various iterations of these forms of contact sport in the past, therefore I can see this as a very viable possibility. The propaganda surrounding it, however, is entirely new, especially when it concerns the advertisements that will come on when the game itself is on a break. 

Both brothers would ramble about these commercials, which I have found quite fascinating in other instances of watching television, but they have emphasized that the commercials during this particular match in American football are superior to others. They will have more production value and more story placed into them due to the viewing audience being well over millions, and most of the time they are, in Dean’s words, “The funniest, most kick-ass commercials of the whole year. It’s the 4th of July fireworks of commercials, man.”

While I am still relatively unsure of just why these particular games are celebrated the way they are, it is nice to see humans so wholeheartedly focused on a topic of entertainment as opposed to grief or suffering. 

These colors are still very pretty. I find the green and the orange to be quite fascinating.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	8. February 8, 2016

Hello,

I received quite the lecture concerning common purpose and collaboration between individuals today. Whether it is as a result of what has been discussed on television recently or just a thought that I have discovered over the years is yet to be determined, but nevertheless I greatly pondered what it truly means to work as a team.

Sam, Dean, and I have grown to form a complex yet fully functional unit, ready for even what Hell could possibly bring, over the years. It was not always like this to begin with, especially given the the first time Dean has cognizant memory of me he elected to stab me in the chest, thinking me just another monster. My, how different the outcome has been, no?

For better or for worse, we have learned each others’ differences, taking care to help and lend aid to the others when one has been decommissioned for whatever reason. I do believe that we managed to work so well together because we shared this common purpose, we shared this one goal: to stop total destruction that would inevitably destroy the world int he form of the apocalypse. There were struggles, particularly towards the beginning when I was but the shell of the person I am today, but as I worked with Dean (and later Sam) I came to realize that our common purpose deviated from the original plan that had been given to me in the form of orders. My goal, in essence, then proceeded to change, which allowed for me to agree to begin to solely serve and help the Winchesters the way I had. 

This of course is not solely centered around me. On the contrary, both brothers also altered their previous view of the world to accommodate for the epiphany of the existence of angels. Not only that, however, they also allowed for an angel’s help on the issue at hand. They allowed and even welcomed my help, even after years of being conditioned to distrust celestial and supernatural beings. To say that we all have come a long way would be an understatement, but it was our ability to adapt as a team that I believe allowed us to come as far as we have. 

Working in a team so closely connected as ours is by no means an easy feat. There are disagreements, struggles, fights, and near death experiences, but what balances that is the synchronizing of our movements during hunts, the debates concerning helping others, and helping one another when there is trouble that far outweighs our individual abilities. It is not easy, but our small team has most definitely adapted, grown, and thrived despite our differences. I can only hope that it continues to be strong enough to help us now.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	9. February 9, 2016

Hello,

I am sure the topic of the sea has come up at one point or another, but I found myself close enough to view the ocean today and therefore I feel as if this is an appropriate time to share a story.

While Dean and Sam have not had quite the amount of time enough to properly pay a visit to the beach for recreational purposes, we have found ourselves by harbors and lakes on many occasions in the past, both in reality as well as corporeal when either brother would have dreams (I should point out that the dreams stopped occurring after a particular one in where I was chastised for invading Dean’s dreams the following morning…).

Because of these events, I valued the importance of being able to navigate waters and lake areas in the form of swimming, and thankfully the nature of swimming through the water was something I picked on fairly quickly. What I failed to remember during this, however, was that lakes and other bodies of water are generally known to house animals, and in specific areas, reptiles.

We had been in Florida at the time and the motel had a dark-tiled pool located just behind it, letting for easy access for the motel guests… as well as the neighborhood alligator. I had slipped outside while Sam had been asleep and Dean had been watching television, wanting to try my hand at swimming for a little while. I was not expecting a 6 foot alligator to have the similar idea. It had been nighttime, and with a dark-tiled pool it is very difficult to discern the floor from any sort of object that could be hidden along with it. I managed to realize quickly enough that I was not alone in my aquatic adventure, but not before the alligator’s tail was rudely kicked about.

Dean tells me that the animal camped out close to our motel door for the night, and had it not been for an anonymous tip being sent off to animal control I suspect it would have remained there until the morning at least. When we spoke to the motel manager (who was also a suspect in our case at the time), he seemed unfazed by the entire ordeal after we’d explained it. Apparently this sort of situation is fairly common in Florida…

It makes me worry about the sanity of those that live there if they do not startle upon the sight of a carnivore, but then again I was human during the time this took place and I most certainly am not a Floridian, therefore it most likely affected me greatly than it would have affected another.

For their parts, Dean and Sam would not leave the subject alone for quite some time after that. I believe they referred to me as the Crocodile hunter, but I never did quite understand why. If anything, the alligator attempted to hunt me.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	10. February 10, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly involved with a promo fro 11x13, but it's nothing really major.

Hello,

It seems yet another holiday is fast approaching, but I am starting to catch more glimpses as to where my body currently relies in the real world. It is difficult, this understanding of where exactly my corporeal form lies in respect to my body, and I am not quite yet certain if I am still in my body to begin with or merely seeing through another’s perspective. Not being able to move when I choose to, speak when I desire; possession is an odd feeling, especially when I cannot truly feel anything at all.

I believe Lucifer has returned to Crowley’s headquarters on Earth in the form of his lair. The other demons must have realized what has occurred as they are seeming to be willing to bow to every will and whim that I believe I am giving them. I say this hypothetically because it is still difficult to see and understand just exactly what it is that is going on, but I believe I am hanging in there well enough to still function. The demons seem to be in an orderly fashion, but Crowley is nowhere to be seen. I can only imagine what they must have done to him in the overthrowing of the king, and I must say I do not know if I am feeling sorrow on his behalf or if I am still unable to feel anything at all.

I still find myself outside from time to time, either walking the trailer closest to the mansion or going into town and the neighboring areas to speak to the locals, of what I do not recall. I do find my mind jumping back to Sam and Dean often, though at this point I do not know if my mind is still my own. My brother has taken over my body as his vessel, and I do not even know if what I am able to see means I am in my body along with him. I can only hope the Darkness has not advanced in any way on Sam or Dean. For his part, I do not know if Lucifer is truly living and keeping his word. Communication is not exactly the best at the moment.

Dean’s favorite holiday is coming nearer. I only hope they decided to take the day off and enjoy themselves as they always say they do but never truly do. Human infatuation and love on one particular day is still a confusing topic for me, but I can only hope they can survive well enough during this entire charade.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	11. February 11, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day is around the corner....

Hello,

There seems to be a lot of chocolate in bulk at the local gas stations as of late. Part of me understands that they are somehow related to this coming Sunday, February 14th, but part of me also wonders why there is such an overabundance of the cacao-filled dessert.

When I was human I did find chocolate to be particularly tempting. There is just something about the mixture of the milk with the chocolate filling found in chocolate chips that gives the synapses in my brain the ability to find joy as the emotion. How to describe the taste, I wonder? Sweet? Soft? To describe the flavor of the treat so long after I had truly had it now is an arduous task in and of itself.

Chocolate does not seem to be solely restricted to February, yet it is more common during the time, which I do not complain about of course. I just do not taste it the same as I was once able to. I have seen it come in many forms: sauce, chips, chunks, bars… the list seems to be endless. I was not able to taste it in all of its varieties, but I did manage to see many of them. It seems to be the food of love as well as the food of heartbreak. Very versatile. 

I do remember the first time I tried chocolate. Dean had tried to get Sam to eat what is referred to as a “death by chocolate cake,” to which Sam refused greatly, calling it “death by diabetes”. Dean did not seem to mind, but he did pass me a spoon to try it.

Chocolate cake… My are there words to describe chocolate cake? The icing mixing with the ganache and the filling inside the pastry. It was truly indescribable. Dean seemed to have thought the same thing, for I believe he regretted his decision in wishing to share with me. I did ask the waitress for the recipe for the cake, however. I never did get the chance to attempt it, however, because not soon after was when I had burned water in the bunker and was given a lecture concerning water and human cooking.

Chocolate remains to be very tempting, however.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	12. February 12, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> deansentries, another tumblr blog, had done a pickup line challenge, which sparked this entry. Enjoy.

Hello,

It seems that the topic of choice today is the usage and understanding to pickup lines. I must confess that the circumstances surrounding the construction and delivery of one of these “pickup lines” is very foreign to me. Dean tried to explain it once, however he proceeded to carry me out of the bar that we had been in after a few hours of attempting this. 

It had been a little after he had attempted to have me loosen up while human, during which he had taken me to a brothel in the hopes that something would happen. This time around Dean seemed to begin aiming for a lower goal, and that transferred into trying to help with my delivery of these said pickup lines.

He gave me a few simple ones as we ordered beers. I do not remember many of them, mainly because I did not understand them, but he did have one that involved something to the effect of buying a woman a drink and then proceeding to “break the ice.” Why did I have to break the ice? What had it done to me? Was it’s purpose not to maintain my drink as cold as it could? Why must I break it in order to speak to this woman? I voiced these concerns to Dean, who proceeded to hang his head and try a different tactic: rehearsing with me at the table.

He tried to say some of the “cheesier” lines that he had heard, staying within the topic of angels in the attempt to help me understand. This did not work, however, because I did not understand how angels falling from heaven was a sign of romantic interest. He began getting annoyed, I suspect, after a while of this discussion, up until he began acting out how I should react in the moment. I was still very much confused.

One of the things that we did not account for was that this particular bar had a poetry competition that began a little after we had arrived, therefore the entire of the area’s noise level lowered to accommodate for the stage, which Dean did not see coming as quickly as I had. His words of encouragement, previously at a slightly higher level in tone so that I could hear them, became magnified almost instantly, carrying the conversation regarding good pick up lines that he had been rehearsing with me to be overheard by the nearest tables.

I did not think this to be a particularly displeasing issue. After all, are pick up lines not common in these types of situations? But after a few whistles heard across the bar and more than a few pairs of eyes were on us Dean began to grow silent, no longer giving me the advice he had been previously. I did not understand why, but the surrounding noise and attention did not let up, or at least not until a bartender delivered two drinks on behalf of the group of woman two tables down, saying something to the effect of “just rolling with it to see where it leads.”

Dean wanted us to leave immediately after that, but I made him stay enough to drink the drinks that had been so graciously given to us. It was very considerate of those women for doing that for us, though I have no idea what “rolling” they were asking for Dean and I to do. For his part, Dean did not want to talk about it, therefore I never got a concrete answer.

 

Yours,

Castiel

 

 


	13. February 13, 2016

Hello,

I have vaguely heard of the term “Spring Cleaning” once before when Sam told me Dean was “nesting” at the bunker. From my understanding the term relates to the cleaning of personal spaces and other areas in preparation for a freer year. 

I do remember a time last year in where this same effect occurred around the bunker. Coincidentally it was also around the same time Sam had asked for help with digitizing records for the bunker archives, therefore there had yet to be a more opportune time for work to be done that had not been a case. 

Dean, for his part, had ignored Sam’s asks for help with the cataloging and instead focused more on self-organizing the bunker areas. His excuse was to make the area “more homey,” which is when I then learned about this “spring cleaning.” Now, you must understand my confusion with the term, because it had been nearing the start of summer, not spring…

This did not seem to bother Dean at the time, however. He worked on his own anyway, cleaning out his room, putting furniture in odd places with the idea that it was supposed to follow what he calls “feng shui.” He failed to realize that I know this term, however, and did not appreciate my input when I told him that yellow should not go in the southernmost areas of the room.

Spring cleaning seems to be a very relaxing practice, despite the chaos running in our lives. We did find some very interesting articles around Dean’s room at the time: a dusted clock, some not very joyful spiders, and a few half written letters from a past man of letters. Apart from that and after Dean agreed to let me help, we did manage to move about the heavier furniture and find a solid silver band towards the back. It had a name long since eroded away, but it must have been very important to the original owner. Dean picked it up to examine it, muttering under his breath about his grandfather. I have no idea what the ring means, but I suspect it has something to do with his grandfather’s allegiance to the men of letters. Either that or there is another meaning to the ring.

I suppose Dean will be continuing the spring cleaning at some point around this time, or he will save it for summer again.

 

Yours,

Castiel

 

 


	14. February 14, 2016 - Valentine's Day

Hello,

Today, a Sunday, has otherwise been referred to as a variety of names. valentine’s Day, Single Awareness Day, Unattached Drifter Christmas Day, the list seems to go on with ever passing year that I have experienced it. For myself, I do not find today particularly different from other days, but there seems to be something particularly romantic that is attached to this day that I am falling to find.

Reasons for why this holiday exists aside, the day itself was peaceful for me. I do not remember doing anything strenuous or monumental, but in the past I know that these particular days are not the easiest. The reason I say this is due to a memory resurfacing of this same day some time ago after Dean had returned back to the motel we had been staying at relatively early in the morning.

The reason I emphasize that this particular holiday is rather difficult is because of the sudden amount of people out and about as opposed to any other sitting or location. We had been in a relatively small town that year looking into a werewolf (I failed to see the irony that Sam was trying to instill with this) when Dean returned to the motel, microphone in hand and his federal bureau tie half around his head. He had been particularly drunk and said a few confusing words before Sam and I did manage to tangle him into one of the beds of the motel. This is the part of the holiday that I have found is relatively sure every year, but it was the morning after and while we were speaking with a few witnesses– a librarian and her assistant– that the situation took a rather unexpected turn.

The librarian would not stop looking at Dean’s direction with every question, and though not entirely sober, Dean was pointedly not looking at her. It was only after the interview and after we had managed to find the werewolf did we realize Dean had decided to share his night with the librarian, and in retaliation the librarian’s assistant had killed the librarian in for having stolen Dean away from her on Valentine’s day.

When we did originally figure out who the werewolf was (the librarian’s assistant), Sam volunteered to go undercover on an outing with this woman since at this point she would not once look at Dean. The problem was that the assistant now had a suspicion that hunters would be looking for her, therefore she asked that Sam not wear any “precious” metals. In other words, Sam could not have any sort of silver on him, which meant that he would have to go undercover unarmed.

The way we managed to settle this was by Dean and I getting a table in a secluded booth not far from Sam and the creature so as to make sure this hunt went well. The plan was to corner her out after they had dined and it would be time for the date to become slightly more private, but time still had to continue moving before that time would arrive, and with it still being a relatively “Valentine’s day” mood due to the holiday, the restaurant had asked that all diners be couples. The assistant had been the one to pick the restaurant for this date, therefore for our work to be completed Dean and I had to masquerade as a couple so as to enter the premises. I thought nothing of it, but Dean had been particularly uncomfortable every time another couple would look in our direction.

I had to order something so as to keep up the ruse, but being that we were somewhat low on money I thought of the plan to order one plate for two, which ended up fitting perfectly with the persona of the couple that we were trying to uphold. Dean seemed on board with this idea, but I did suspect the temperature of the area was starting to get to him as his face began turning a slight shade darker.

When the time did arrive for Sam to escort the werewolf out of the restaurant, we paid discreetly and left, finishing the end of the job quickly though not without injury. Sam sustained a particularly deep cut to his chest from the werewolf’s initial strike, and Dean had received a torn lip from a punch gone awry. In total, however, the deed had been completed before midnight, allowing for time to return to the motel for Sam and Dean to actually get a fair amount of sleep that night. Dean continued to toss and turn in his bed, however. I had not realized that he spoke so often in his sleep until that night. It was a very eye opening Valentine’s Day.

And with that, Happy Valentine’s Day to you all. 

 

Yours,

Castiel

 


	15. February 15, 2016

Hello,

I do not know why this memory crossed my mind today, it was during a time when I was human and slept frequently. I had this moment one day when I was stirring from slumber in where I completely lost all sense of reality for just a brief few moments. Is this uncommon? This feeling of forgetting and instead just existing in the moment, not a single thought going through the brain and rather just the feeling of a warm blanket covering the body. I forgot all sense of my current life, no memory of Sam or Dean, no memory of the monsters that we had been fighting. I simply just… existed for a few brief moments before my brain caught up in junction with my body.

I spoke to Sam about it briefly that same day, and he says that these feelings occur on occasion to him as well, as if you forget all semblance of yourself as an individual and instead feel as if you are being reborn into your previous life. It is a strange concept, no? I only felt it the one time, or at least I only have one recollection of having felt it that one time.

Human brains can be mysterious, even for angels. And while my brain was not human to begin with we are made from the same cloth, therefore much of the enigma that is the brain still pervades across species. I believe it has happened to both Sam and Dean alike, and I also believe that alcohol hinders the ability to remember instantaneously as it did with me. 

There was a moment in where we were all getting ready to leave on a case when Sam came into the bunker particularly dizzy and with only a vague recollection of who Dean and I were. The same instance than occurred with Dean not a few weeks later while we were staying at a motel. Dean’s case was particularly memorable because Dean asked us why we were in his room in the middle of the day (it was 6 in the afternoon). 

My point with all of this is that the brain, as it is currently understood, houses an incredible amount of secrecy for the human race. I am only astounded to realize that I do not know all about it like I had originally thought, but nevertheless the feeling of content and mindless happiness was still a welcoming thought at the beginning of the day. It was almost like a break, however fleeting, that called for a good way to start that particular day.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	16. February 16, 2016

Hello,

I have been made aware that a musical award show took place last night, and despite it’s setbacks in terms of audio with certain performances, I did get the chance to watch the last few moments.

I am not sure if I have touched on the topic of music before, but i do find the different combination of similar notes quite perplexing. There is a set number of musical notes on a scale, yet there are nearly an infinite number of combinations of those notes to create such a variety of different styles of music.  I am well versed in the style of classic rock thanks to Dean’s choice of music, but I was very intrigued to learn of the lesser known areas such as folk, musical theater, and dubstep. 

These electronic beats intermingled with classically trained voices… my, what a combination? Some artists sound slightly jarring upon listening to their performances for the first time, but it was only after listening to a few more of their songs with artists such as the Weeknd (why is it not spelled correctly? Am I not supposed to be listening to it on a Tuesday) as well as other artists. This Adele artist sounds very good, audio fluctuations aside in her performance.

I do not know what my preference in music would be in total, what with having been so influenced by the rock songs form bands such as Kansas and Metallica that grace Dean’s collection in the Impala, but these new iterations of songs from modern artists are all very promising. Songs are lyrical stories set to time, either creating new worlds or altering previously believed ones. They themselves tell a story that can be just as significant if not even more so as their narrative partners, only songs are more likely going to remain in humans’ heads for a longer period of time due to their accompanying tunes. 

On a different note folk music seems to have a completely different sound compared to the music of today, taking more into account the more classical instruments as well as the lesser used ones. Banjos and violins, drums and brass, the list goes on. Individually they each carry a specific veneration, yet when put together there is a completely different form of symphony that can be heard. 

And I have yet to speak of musical theater albums, which we also featured on this musical awards show. These are recorded and replayed live almost nightly with every performance, which calls for an even greater amount of technicality from its musicians and singers. Yes, those seem to be coming back into the “mainstream,” which does seem quite pleasing. 

 

Yours,

Castiel


	17. February 17, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coincides with 11x14. Watch before reading if you have not already :)

Hello,

My, where do I begin today?

It has been made blatantly obvious that Lucifer did not reveal his complete intentions when I first said yes. This was expected, however, and I knew the risks of letting my brother out of the cage. I knew that when the time would come, however, that I knew I would need to call all of my strength in the event that either Sam or Dean’s lives were in danger. What I did not expect was the repercussions of the fallout, but I am getting ahead of myself.

Lucifer took back his domain of Hell from Crowley, diminishing Crowley’s role to the one that resembles a house pet, for lack of a better term. I could only catch glimpses at first, but I have slowly begun to see every detail of what Lucifer says, acts, and performs with my body, even if I am not in control. The game that he was playing, therefore, was odd to experience without physical input as the demons and other creatures were speaking. Lucifer did send for his weapons that had been in his crypt, though I suspect he did not find the necessary equipment that he was looking for. 

And then Dean called. It had been what, a week? More? Time is not what it once was to me, even less so due to my present condition. For their part, Neither Sam nor Dean seemed fazed by my sudden appearance in Lawrence, being that I had been in Massachusetts, easily a 25 hour drive. It very well may have been, however, as I have already mentioned my current relationship with time.

Lucifer was quick to make up a believable story for the ability to time travel, one that apparently Dean echoed in his thoughts as well, and they spoke of the Bluefin and the Hand of God. If this artifact were to be recovered than it very well could help us stop Amara, but in the discussions unknowingly between four men Lucifer learned of Dean’s true inability to kill Amara. I do not know what to say on the matter other than what Dean spoke of, but for this particular situation it did make the most sense, Sam’s protests aside.

What I did not expect was the onslaught of sigils in a World War II submarine put there by the woman of letters on board. Lucifer did not expect such a strong sigil either, which only resulted in giving just enough time to safely place Dean before he and I were shot off from the entrance of the bow, causing us to land in the water just outside. To say that the swim and reappearance in the bunker were unpleasant would very much equivocate to Dean receiving cake instead of pie, I believe. Nevertheless, if Dean did not find a way to remove the sigils or if Sam and I did not find a way to break them, then Dean was going to be gone.

No. 

Lucifer must have echoed my thoughts somehow, though his words were more than enough to begin arousing suspicion in Sam. Sam must know that losing Dean instead of the Hand is more of a priority, despite Lucifer’s mishaps with his ruse in pretending to be me. This, unfortunately, was only the beginning of the downfall that was today.

After a fair amount of research, we did manage to find one spell, but it required the power of an archangel. At that moment I knew that the next few minutes were going to be particularly strenuous for both Sam and myself, because no matter how Lucifer elected to tell his act, the truth would come out tonight, one way or another. I could only wish I had been wrong. 

Sam offering his soul as help for me to bring back Dean began to stir my grace, because I knew that Lucifer would find a way to exploit that. I suppose that must have been what caused Lucifer to break character the way he did, just  before he advanced onto Sam and unveiled his true identity to him using my face as a mask. Seeing the look of horror pass over Sam’s face, and then the resulting pain caused by Lucifer grabbing his soul so forcefully spurred me even more. Sam could not die. He must not die. I began to fight, for Sam, for Dean, to prevent their deaths by my hand. W have been through too much to have it end like this. 

For a few precious moments, either because Lucifer had been caught off guard by my resurgence or because he wished for me to speak I am unsure, but I was able to speak with Sam coherently and without a clouded judgement for the first time in what felt like years. Of course he would tell me to eject Lucifer, but I could not. Despite what Lucifer said and Dean believed, time travel is very closely linked to angelic presence. If I ejected Lucifer then, I would have lost Dean forever. That was simply not a choice. It never will be.

I heard Lucifer fighting back at my control, which I only allowed when he let go of Sam and instantly returned back in time to save Dean, just in the right moment as well apparently. There was a massively bright white light emanating from a woman, Delphine. The ship was about to explode, and I could feel Lucifer moving to escape, Dean in tow. At least Dean was safe now and away from the deep pits of the ocean. What followed next was out of my hands as my power had been weakened from my sudden surge of adrenaline.

Instantly Sam informed Dean of the circumstances, and Lucifer took over with more force than I originally believed possible. I fought back when I saw Dean pinned to the wall, the Hand of God in my hand. It would not shine, would not glow like it had in the submarine, which only meant that its power was no more. Delphine had used every last ounce. I continued fighting in my weekend state as Lucifer advanced on Dean, but I am thankful that Sam was able to expel us out of the bunker, for if he hadn’t I do not want to think about the possible outcome.

I find myself on an open scene, pain firing in my body, but my vision has returned to blurry visions, small glimpses of moments. I can only pray and hope that both Sam and Dean are okay. They know now both what has happened and why I did it. I wanted to be of service, and serving as Lucifer’s vessel seemed the best possible option for all scenarios that I played in my head. The look Dean gave me when Sam uttered the words, however. That is something I never believed I would ever see. 

True and utter heartbreak from both brothers alike, though Dean was closer. In his eyes I saw what I could not see before, and it only pains me deeper. This road that I have set before myself… It will most likely be the hardest battle I will ever endure. If today is worth anything it showed me that I have the power to overcome, even if just for a small few moments. I need to conserve my strength once again. The biggest problem is still long yet to be solved.

 

Yours,

Castiel

 

 


	18. February 18, 2016

Hello,

I did not fully appreciate the act of driving until I had been forced to travel without the use of my wings. I can understand Dean’s preference to driving as opposed to instantaneous travel or flying, fears of either aside. 

Driving may seem remedial to many depending on perhaps their age or experience behind the wheel of cars, and I am no exception. At first, I did not understand why humans elected to travel in such mechanical and rudimentary forms of travel, but I have learned much since then. After learning to drive and beginning to take my car to various areas across the continental United States, I came to realize the concept of a free road open for exploration, no stone needing to be left unturned and yet at the same time the only limit was the amount of gas per drive.

Yes, we drive for hunts, and yes there are times when those particular drives can take hours, even days, but that does not mean the drives are mundane or boring. On the contrary, some of the longest drives that we have involve not only the ability to appreciate the outdoors of the lesser known roads in states, but also to clear the head of as many thoughts that usually would infiltrate the brain and take over. 

Picture the city life, for example. Loud, jarring noises and cars that are bumper to bumper in traffic. Yes, this scenario can be infuriating to those that are trying to be on time to appointments or other matters, but the safety and comfort of the car itself presents an entirely different atmosphere. Regardless of car make or model, there exists a line that allows for outside interference to be muffled by the choice in music or the choice in radio. Here, despite all other obstacles, we are able to think even in the most chaotic of human congregations.

Now, compare this same scenario to back roads and alleys crisscrossing the entire of the world. Places yes to be rediscovered by tourists as well as areas where there is little human made noise. Those are the places where the previously felt atmosphere in the car inverts with the outside world. Now, instead of the noises and sounds being made by the world around us, the car and its rumbling engine, it’s static noise on the radio, it’s turning of the gears that moves the car forward are what pushes vibrations in the air around. Here, we as the driver have more control, where we can switch off the engine and listen to the echo of the world around us. And this effect is only multiplied when it is shared.

Driving in either situation, regardless of intentions. Yes, I can see why Dean enjoys it so much.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	19. February 19, 2016

****

Hello,

The topic of electricity came to mind today with the few moments that I have witness of Crowley’s lair and the few times the power would go out in the bunker. Now, the significance of the use of flickering and/or lack of light is completely different in these two areas. In one it would most likely refer to a potential ghost having escaped from the storage rooms or a demonic aura present (though the bunker is relatively warded well enough), but in Crowley’s lair the reasoning of the lack of power is unknown.

I do remember an instance in where the lack of power in the bunker was not caused by any supernatural force, rather it had been a particularly terrible storm that had come over Lebanon and forced all exits to be sealed for a period of a few hours. The bunker is a well noted name, denoting that it is meant to protect from outside forces, but this particular storm uncovered power lines that then affected the instruments inside the area. Sam and Dean had not noticed during the time because it had been relatively close to around 3 in the early morning. I, however, noticed the lack of humming in the halls fairly quickly.

Despite the knowledge that the storm was outside I did not think at first that the reason behind this power outage was related, therefore I armed myself and began patrolling the halls, listening for any signs of movements. I did not want to wake the brother because I knew how valuable sleep was, especially to Sam and Dean even if they can still function with far less sleep than the average human. Therefore I was on my own, searching and armed in the event that I was ambushed by anything, supernatural or otherwise. 

I had begun to hear movement in the direction of the kitchen and the brothers’ rooms, and while I knew that both were light sleepers I was not going to let something surprise them if I could help it. I made my way towards the kitchen area, pitch black from the lack of light now, and heard slight muttering and even sharper movements. The creature must be looking for something, though I was not sure what considering creatures do not typically eat human food. Nevertheless I waited by the entrance of the kitchen, careful to not make any noise. I caught sight of a hit of light, most likely a flashlight, then, which poised me to begin my surprise attack.

I was met with a half eaten taco in the face as my lunge was quickly dodged and pinned behind me. Dean had woken up in the middle of the light hungry and had not bothered to check if the lights were working so as to not wake anyone. After cleaning my face of the meat and tomatoes thrown at me I filled him in on the situation with the electricity and he managed to find the engine room so as to jump start the power lines again. After the storm blew out we were able to see that they had only been partially damaged, but not enough to require professional attention.

This happened a few more times after the initial electricity shortage, but I made sure to evade any more food thrown at me. In the present, however, power outages in Crowley’s headquarters are an entirely different matter, though I am unfortunately unsure of just how they are resolved, if at all.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	20. February 20, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I forget why I wrote this, but I think one of the actors was talking about snapchat or the geolenses had just been invented. Probably both.

Hello,

I understand that there are a variety of social media, yes? This is carried through the internet to connect a variety of different people across the world, presumable those that know each other and wish to remain in touch while they physically cannot be in the same room together. It is a very modern idea, though I have seen various iterations of social projects exist before the creation of the Internet. They had varying levels of success, and nowhere near close to the success of the present day forms of communications.

The reason I bring this up is due to an application that I found under my phone known as Snapchat. I remember Claire mentioning it briefly, and it seems to have become very apparent in young adults’ lives worldwide, not for it’s feature of communicating and sending messages that disappear, but because of these self applied filters that can be used to take pictures and video. 

There are some that involve rainbows shooting out of your mouth, some that alter the perceptions of your face and morph them into completely different dimension, and some that transform you into demons, animals, and have exploding hearts. This technology is completely foreign to me. Why do humans wish to turn into these animals and have the visible spectrum in the form of the rainbow emanate from their mouths? Is it common? Does it have an ulterior purpose that I am not aware of?

Despite my lack of intimate knowledge on the matter, I do find that the different filters are entertaining at least, or rather, they are entertaining when you are the person that is using them. To watch another person interact with the filters while shooting video or taking a picture is a very odd dance that I have seen performed in public. It is like a very jagged motion, at one moment the face is smooth and emotionless, but the next the mouth is open wide or the eyebrows are raised as the person in question stares into his or her phone for a period of roughly 10 seconds. I wonder if other spectators find this riruatl as confusing as I do, but nevertheless I can understand the appeal for trying to find every possible combination of the filters to see what power they have in store. Snapchat is very mysterious.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	21. February 21, 2016

Hello,

Dean once spoke of Cabin Fever a little while ago. I did not quite understand the concept of a why a bad ailment in a cabin was particularly important, but I have come to understand why the term is commonly used.

There were a couple of days in the past in where I was in the bunker for a considerable amount of time after having been affected by Rowena’s curse. It did not bother me that I did not venture outside of Sam’s room and Netflix, but after quite a while when I had started to feel better I did find the lack of movement rather uncomfortable. 

Cabin fever, for those that are unfamiliar with the term, is the feeling attributed to staying indoors or in one particular location for a considerable amount of time, either remaining motionless or not completing many tasks that otherwise would be done had the person left the house for example. When I started to realize that this feeling was most likely what Dean and been referring to, I decided to start going out to the war room and other areas of the bunker to start moving even a little longer.

While with the best of intentions, it was not the best way to go about this endeavor, mainly because the boys had been away and I was unsure of where the keys to one of the cars in the garage were. At this point Metatron still had my car, and I wished to drive after a while of walking around the bunker, therefore finding the keys was a necessity. 

Dean, for his own reasons that he does not tell me, hides the keys somewhere within the garage, or at least that was what I believed. After failing to contact either brother I was left with the only option of figuring out how to turn on a car without need for a key. It was during this process that I nearly blew up the garage as a stray wire came close enough to the fuel engine (or at least, that is my justification when Sam and Dean returned to find burn marks in the leather seats of one of the classic cars).

That was when Dean told me where he kept the keys and I was able to begin leaving the bunker for a while. I believe the point that I am trying to get across here is that cabin fever can be very dangerous.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	22. February 22, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone on the blog had realized Cas hadn't answered questions in a while, therefore that is why it starts out with "Apologies."

Hello,

Apologies for not having been able to communicate as frequently as I have grown accustomed to doing so. It appears the internet connection is not as ideal in certain parts of Crowley’s earthly domain.

I do not believe I have ever spoken about the ingenious creation that is the umbrella, correct? The invention of a mechanism that expands so as to prevent the individual from getting blamed with water that drops from the sky. Humans, for all of their flaws and quirks, never cease to amaze, and after Lucifer’s attempt to infiltrate a submarine hull it seems even he appreciates the umbrella for allowing him (or rather, my body) to remain dry on Earth.

Umbrellas, of course, are not a new piece of technology. They have existed for far longer than their modern counterparts and have come in a variety of shapes, designs, and sizes that I have bared witness to over the years, but it seems that with each passing day in the present there is a new form of the classic water repellant machine that comes on commercials and other forms of media. I recently saw one that had to do with the construction of a handle that allowed for the user to hold the umbrella by his or her forearm while still being able to continue texting and conversing on his or her cell phone. While I do not understand why this is needed per say, I can see its benefits for those that are constantly streaming, texting, or calling other individuals while still maintaining a dry composure.

I do not recall my first time using an umbrella to its all extent, but I do recall numerous times in where I was unable to close the umbrella and its varying forms. Some have buttons that one can push so as to collapse or expand the entire mechanism while others are far more manual and classic style. I unfortunately forget quite frequently which style requires which set of instructions, and therefore I have left more than one umbrella half open inside the door of either a motel or the bunker, much to Sam’s protests about it. Apparently it is known to be an omen of bad luck, which is significant enough to have Sam worried about this whenever I fail to properly close an umbrella. 

To continue, there are umbrellas that are meant to be used in the event of inclement weather, but I have also recently realized that there are umbrellas for leisure as well. These are used frequently when the sun is high and shining brightly enough to burn skin, therefore many use parasols to shade themselves. I believed this to be common practice once after having seen many use them in one of the towns we had been visiting on a case once, and therefore my curiosity drove me to buy a dark blue parasol big enough to hold two under its wing. Being that I did not truly require the need of protection from the sunlight’s rays, I held it up for a brief few minutes for Sam and Dean to walk under, and after Sam quickly stepped out of the way I was left to hold the umbrella for Dean. He did not notice until we walked past a couple that was doing the same practice, and it was then that Dean made me return the umbrella, but I refused saying that the woman had said that all sales were final.

In short, umbrellas seem to be able to be used in a variety of ways, which also apparently include impaling the witch that had been cursing that particular town.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	23. February 23, 2016

Hello,

I am sure many of you are familiar with a place known as Disney World or Disney Land, and if not this is a place where children and adults alike seem to brighten up uno seeing animals and characters that are best related to stylized versions of mice and other animals. 

I have made some trips to this place in the past, but not with the same agenda as many of the park’s guests. As angels, we have made various trips to the area to search for the true reason behind why humans are so entranced by the “magic” that seems to emanate from the resort. I have seen children yelling at oversize animals, shows that used a variety of colors and fireworks. Did you know that fireworks are merely the combination and separation of electrons in specific patterns? Each spurt of color comes from from different elements, but to many of the children here it is closely related to “magic.” Towards the beginning I tried to convince others that this magic they sought for was not the magic that is practiced and is known to have consequences, but after I had realized that the “magic” does not have to be physically real to have a lasting effect on children I sat in search of other reasons as to why this place was so captivating to others.

We do not travel to amusement parks often, if at all, therefore it has been quite some time since my last visit to any such establishment, but they do have a resounding effect on me whenever I do find myself in one. Truly, how is it that these places with their variety of attractions and events bring about a happiness in others that for some reason is not so easily discovered otherwise? What is it about animal encounters at Animal Kingdom or Princess Meet and Greets that fills these children (and adults) with such joy and wonder? I confess that after many years of going back in search of the answer I have come to realize that there does not have to be a logical one.

I do think it would be beneficial to bring Sam and Dean to such a place, even if they are long past the general ages considered to at most enjoy these parks, but perhaps being around others that are enjoying the entertainment and just the nature of being with others might bring about a different side of them. 

It might also end badly, however. I am half convinced Dean would punch one of the mice.

 

Yours,

Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kinda inspired by "At Last I See the Lights," which is also Disney and can be found on my profile :) Okay, carry on.


	24. February 24, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coincides with 11x15 "Beyond the Mat." Watch before reading.

Pain is still very real, this much I can assure you. 

For a while now Lucifer has slowly but surely continued to manipulate Hell into his world once again, stripping it from Crowley. Now, he and I are in no way friends in any regard, but even I knew that this was inhuman even for Hell standards.

While Crowley may not have known perhaps, I was there when Simmons entered upon Lucifer’s request. I knew about their plan and how it was to go about. There had been talk that Crowley had a secret bunker of sorts that housed artifacts and potentially a hand of God, but no one knew its location, not even Rowena. Part of me wished to warn Crowley, but there was no way without Lucifer figuring something out, and even if I attempted to do so I was in no power or position to attempt any form of rebellion. 

There were constant reports of Crowley’s whereabouts after the supposed “escape” occurred. I can only imagine what was occurring on Crowley’s front, and of course whether or not he would go to Sam and Dean about his predicament. If Crowley knew his demons and their true intentions, then surely he would realize that demons are notorious for their infamous double crossings. I am only satisfied that I was correct in my assumption. 

What I was not expecting was for Crowley to have the Rod of Aaron. Crowley was in possession of a hand of God and at the mercy of Lucifer, me powerless to help restrain my brother from possessing it. Yes, there exists the possibility of Lucifer using it to stop Amara, but there also exists the possibility of him using it for his own selfish deeds without the supervision of Sam and Dean.

I am partly relieved that Crowley used the rod and absorbed its power so as to attempt to stop Lucifer, but that was when I realized that pain is a very real emotion that the vessel can feel upon being damaged. I am only imagine what Jimmy must have felt the first few times, even when Dean struck me upon our first meeting. Lucifer, of course, did not care for my opinion, nor was I able to give it.

I do believe Crowley’s blow did have an effect on Lucifer’s hold on me, however.  It is faint, and Lucifer is quickly recovering, but I did feel as if I had a better grasp at moving my body of my own volition even for the briefest of moments. Perhaps I will be able to use this to my advantage in the future. I only hope that Crowley will be able to relay a message to Sam and Dean now that Lucifer is no longer able to track him, or rather he is unable to track him at present to the best of my knowledge. 

I sense big events are about to occur, either in search of a new hand of God or in search of Amara herself, but it will take some time before they truly begin to reign their devastation.

 

Yours

Castiel


	25. February 25, 2016

Hello,

I remember one instance in where I came across a local festival taking place in a town not far away from Lebanon. This was during a time in where both Sam and Dean had left for a case and I had remained near the bunker, therefore the time was peaceful for me and allowed for me to think.

Festivals were not altogether uncommon to stumble upon, but at the same time this particular festival was centered around chalk drawing and art production, something I knew very little about. As I walked, I was ushered onto a different pathway so as to not disturb the chalk and the artists as they worked, thus allowing for me to become a spectator as I watched these artists smear and smooth different hues together to form gradients and tones. How had they discovered that this medium would work so well to produce such realistic and whimsical artwork?

There were many variations of style at this festival, from Renaissance self portraits of famous painters to completely alien worlds unknown to me. And yet, to think that these masterpieces were at the mercy of the natural elements baffled me. These artists took hours upon hours of work to finish them for the festival, and yet with the oncoming storm approaching the pieces would likely not make it through the night. It makes the act of appreciating them and being their for their conception much more memorable.

One artist offered me a piece of chalk in an attempt to have me create on the ground. I confess I failed miserably at the attempt of creating even the smallest sunset, but then the artist dumped water on what I called imperfections and helped me add to her work next to it. The water became her eraser and I her assistant. In the end we were both covered in the vibrant oranges and scarlets that make up some of the most breathtaking sunsets, and I believe I have learned a new lesson on appreciating life when we have it, for even if rain attempts to destroy us, we can build ourselves back up and shine brighter than before.

I do wish to go back to these festivals more often. Perhaps Sam and Dean would enjoy them, but then again they would most likely not.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	26. February 26, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by me getting lost in my hometown. Enjoy my suffering of a embarrassingly true story through Cas.

Hello,

I am sure that like many humans that are only beginning to grasp the feeling of driving can relate to this: I got lost while driving today.

There was a time in where I was only beginning to drive on my own where something very similar occurred as well. I had been gifted a global positioning system so as to managed to drive safely arrived efficiently for the first few months, but someone (I suspect Dean) elected to set the language to “Elvish” very early on. Mistaking it as English when I saw the setting, I thought nothing of it and set the directions for the a small town a little way away from the motel we had been staying at during this particular time, as the case spanned multiple crime scenes and thus resulted in us having to split up to “cover more ground,” in Sam’s words.

Upon the first turn out of Lebanon I heard a rather high pitched, shrill voice delegating my next direction, and the sudden sound emanating for the system nearly caused me to verge off course,

The car headlights then shut off on the dark road, effectively cutting me off from any sign of light on the backroads leading to my destination, a location I now no longer truly knew was accurate as the voice continued to speak of “hot chocolate breaks” and “only the best elves are allowed this position.” I grew more and more concerned. Was this creature stuck inside the machine? Was it knowingly confusing the vehicle enough for me to lose the knowledge on my location? Did Dean know about this? Did he somehow program this folly?

My failed attempt to converse with the elf continued as I progressed down the dark roads, me following its directions in utter confusion while I received no definitive answer. It was only after I called Dean about this dilemma that I received my true answer: He had never found the English option therefore he set it to a “Christmas elf” language he’d found online. He then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes guiding me towards the correct location, much to the lack of help from the machine with the elf voice. It repeatedly continued to mention obscure Christmas references that both Dean and I could hear apart from giving very unintelligible instructions, therefore Dean’s speaking was marred by his constant gets of laughter from what I assume the entire situation.

As a result of all of this, I have yet to use a global positioning system since then, which is the reason I continue to get lost at times today if not for my grace.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	27. February 27, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today marked the 20th anniversary of Pokémon. Therefore... yeah.
> 
> Ana is the one that runs @castielsentries on tumblr

Hello,

There has been a lot of discussion concerning the anniversary of a very popular and noteworthy video game franchise, if Ana’s continued ramblings on the subject are a factor to go by. From my understanding it is the 20th Anniversary of the Pokémon Video Game series, one gam of which I was talked to play today as a celebration.

She gave me a game entitled Pokémon Red, if that is of any importance to others, but I am told it is one of the very first in the series. Why this game has its fundamentals centered around the naming conventions of colors is unknown to me, but I do enjoy colors and learning about the varying names each generation has taken over the 20 years the series has existed.

I picked a Pokémon named Squirtle. It resembles a turtle in appearance, for those that may not entire know just what I am talking about. I also learned that there exists a rival in this game, which Ana was kind enough to name Blue for me, though why naming a child after a color is another mystery to me. I should not be one to wonder about the odd names given to children by their parent…

I traveled over this fictional world today as I learned about it’s setting and it’s environment. Each patch of grass I encountered was filled with an opponent for my Squirtle (named Castiel because I thought we were supposed to give our name) to encounter and battle. I understand the conventions of battling after small coaching, but even so it seems that these creatures should not need to battle to gain experience. Can they not gain it from outside sources, such as learning at a school or through adventures? Upon thinking about this matter further, I realize that perhaps this is how Sam, Dean, and I gain our experience. The fights that we partake in are only a matter of testing those abilities, much like the battle parameters in these video games. My, what an idea.

I did want to continue training my namesake in learning new moves, but it seemed that it altered its appearance after it had reach a specific level, a process known as evolution. What a thought! So these creatures not only grow like humans, but they even go on to continue and surpass their limits to transcend and become something more! That is a very interesting idea for a video game that first premiered in the end of the 20th century to have this amount of forward thinking generated into a children’s form of entertainment.

I look forward to completing my adventure in this game, perhaps finding appropriate partners that I may call Sam and Dean. I am sure they would enjoy that, but I also wonder if they have ever had the pleasure of playing these games. I will have to introduce them after present matters are terminated.

Happy Anniversary to this franchise. I am only more excited that I have finally discovered it.

Yours,

Castiel


	28. February 28, 2016

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little backstory. One of the Creation Stands SPN conventions was taking place this particular weekend at the exact same time and place when a christian fellowship conference was being held with a guest appearance by one of the then republican presidential candidates. The woman's commentary as taken from a tumblr post I saw that just had me cackling the entire time 'cause I kept imagining it. Enjoy.

Hello,

A memory came to mind today as I thinking about past experiences. This one occurred a little while ago after Sam and Dean had told me about _Supernatural_ Conventions.

I stumbled upon another one not long after that day, though this time I had been undercover and therefore not in my usual attire. I recognized the signs that Dean had told me about when near these convention areas and I realized that there were many variations of my usual clothing floating around amongst the sea of young adults. What struck me as odd as I went into this hotel out of curiosity, however, was the amount of elderly and older women and gentleman on the direct opposite of the hotel in the other wing. I quickly learned that these people were part of a church conference that had been taking place at the same time as this book and television show convention. The stark contrast in clothing between the two sides almost made it seem as if they were about to war against one another in rebellion. If it weren’t for the fact that I am directly related to both causes I am most certain that a part of my would have found it very ironic. 

I had the courage to enter the elevator doors that would lead to the convention so as to see just what commodities this version held as well as to see just what is known about me as a character in a book series instead of as an angel of the Lord. I did not enter this elevator alone, however, and a s a result I was joined by a woman as well as two young adults dressed in convention clothing. It seemed that the woman had gotten lost while on her way to the conference that had been on the other end of the hotel, but instead she had taken the elevator that would take her to the other floor where the proposed supernatural convention was being held. 

She asked us kindly if we were on our way to the conference, as I do believe that at first glance she assumed I was the girls’ parent. Upon a closer look as to just exactly what the girls were wearing, however (one had a replica of my angel blade while the other sported the demon trap on her shirt along with an anti-possession tattoo) I suspect she quickly realized we were not here for the same purposes as her. She asked us where we were headed after the young adults confirmed her suspicions, though I had responded by saying that I was not related to them, which seemed to have brought some spirit back from the shock that had filled her eyes.

We had arrived at the same floor that also had a portion of the Christian conference at the other end, therefore we exited the elevator before the woman grabbed my arm as the girls we leaving, stopping me in her tracks. I remember her asking me if I knew what “Supernatural” meant and if it was related to “Jesus Supernatural.” Only when I nodded and told her that it was based on a book series that I was curious about did she speak again and tell me that I mustn’t let the Devil in and to be careful when dealing with supernatural entities.

She may never know just how truly right she was.

 

Yours,

Castiel


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leap Day

Hello,

There is an extra day in this particular year, which I was not expecting yet understand it’s means for existing. With it now being the final day in February I am given one more day to reflect on the this year, and it is convenient that one more day this year will bring one more magnificent sunset on the horizon. 

At present, the sun is currently setting as I sit in a library typing out the contents of today. It was a worked filled one I believe, though I was not the one working. There is a lot of activity occurring in Hell as another Hand of God is being sought out as well as the whereabouts of Crowley, but I with my strength slowly returning I was gifted the privilege to glimpse the sunset on a visit outside of the lair. 

The sun is truly a one of a kind creation, a star burning billions of years away and yet still bright and glorious every day as it illuminates the sky. I remember the first time I felt its heat as a human. It was unimaginable, this warm and pleasant wave of heat that I felt wash over me. While I had to shield my eyes form the direct rays that did not stop my being affected by it. As an angel, yes we can still feel the sun, but there was something different to it when I first felt it after I’d fallen. No other feeling has yet to come to have the same effect. Part of me truly wonders why.

If you have yet to truly witness a sunset or a sunrise, I suggest today be the start of that tradition, and with this being an extra day in the calendar for humans the issue of time does not become an excuse, rather even more of a push to go see this wonder with your own eyes.

I have had the pleasure of witnessing both the sun set and the sun rise on many occasions, and each one is slightly different than the last. Is it the way the sky will slowly but surely change colors from the blue or gray of the day to tints of orange, pink, and purple? Or is it the fact that the sight does not have many rivals in terms of naturalistic beauty? These are questions that I find myself asking daily whenever I get the chance to see it, and despite Sam and Dean’s lack of sleep they have not seen many sun rises or sun sets. Their lives are very hectic and busy, much like humans that work in a normal setting, therefore it is understandable if they do not notice these views that they have the chance to see every 12 to 24 hours. I do hope they have at least stopped enough to see it today. It truly is a marvel.

 

Yours,

Castiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People submitted photos of their sunrises to the blog on this day. It was really beautiful and if you're curious about them you can search them up or as the blog to find them for you.

**Author's Note:**

> All entries taken from castielsentries on tumblr, which can be found [here](http://www.castielsentries.tumblr.com)
> 
> Feel free to drop by and say hello


End file.
